Thursday, March 25, 2010

With Sincere Apologies to John Cleese

If we listened to some people, our industry would be like this - The Dead Agency Sketch...

A client enters an ad agency.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Owner: We're closin' for a liquid lunch.
Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this agency and campaign what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the agency behind your Crowd sourced uh Augmented reality uh TV ad...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'It's shit, that's what's wrong with it!
Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,'s experimental, experiential, tried and tested.
Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a shit campaign when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Owner: No no it's not shit, it's, it's going viral'! Remarkable campaign, these augmented crowd reality sourcery, idn'it, ay? Beautifully future proof!
Mr. Praline: The proof don't enter into it. This agency is dead.
Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'It's taking it's time to infriltrate the psyche!
Mr. Praline: All right then, if it's alive, I'll wake it up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Agency! I've got a lovely fresh TV brief for you...
(owner hits the Creative Director)
Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the CD!
Owner: I never!!
Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!
Owner: I never, never did anything...
Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO AGENCY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your one o'clock beer call!
(Takes agency out of the cage and thumps its MD on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)
Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead agency.
Owner: No, no.....No, 'it's stunned!
Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?
Owner: Yeah! You stunned it, just as they were pitching! Ad agencies stun easily, major.
Mr. Praline: look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That agency is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of creative movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged period of creative gold.
Owner: Well, it''s, ah...probably pining for the 70's.
Mr. Praline: PININ' for the 70'S?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did they fall flat on their back the moment I got 'im home?
Owner: The Ad agency prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable business, id'nit, squire? Lovely Cannes Lions!
Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining the agency when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been making ads in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that agency down, it would have nuzzled up to those imaginative doors, bent 'em apart with its creative endeavor, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this agency wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through em! 'It's bleedin' demised!
Owner: No no! 'It's taking creative recuperation time!
Mr. Praline: 'it's not takin time! 'it's passed on! This agency is no more! It has ceased to be! 'It's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'It's a stiff! Bereft of thought, 'it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'em to the holding agency 'it'd be writing dm! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'it's off the twig! 'It's kicked the creative bucket, 'it's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' industry invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-AGENCY!!
Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of ad agencies.
Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Owner: I got a digital specialist.
Mr. Praline: Pray, does it do TV?
Owner: Nnnnot really.
Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
Mr. Praline: Well.
Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.


Lance Puig said...

This is quite awesome and funny. =)

Promotional Products said...

Love it... So great!